Holding Hunter

Hunter is doing very well on her Co2 levels. She was lowered to a rate of 5 on her cpap oxygen. If she tolerates this rate they will remove this gigantic head gear and replace it with a very small tub called nasal cannula. Hunters head ultra sound showed normal readings. She still has the calcium granules on the blood vessels but now the radiologist is saying this is a normal finding in micro preemies. I'm convinced that Hunter knows how to wiggle her head just enough to take off the cpap. Every time I hold her she moves her head so her cheek is on my chest and the cpap is completely off. Infants have no hand coordination but Hunter hits the poor nurses and respiratory therapist when they fuss with her. She wraps those little fingers on any tubes that are near her face and attempts to pull it out. After holding her today I placed her back in her crib and I swear she looked bigger, the nurse said it was my mommy imagination. Hunters cheeks, chest, arms and thighs are getting that kissable baby fat. I couldn't help but to kiss her chunky tummy. The instant I did the tears rolled down my face. Who would of thought I would be one of those mommies. The love that I have for her is overflowing.

Good Days

Today was a good day. So far all of Huntersl lab cultures came back infection free. She's on the lowest setting on the cpap oxygen, fewer bradycardia (low heart rate) episodes and no apnea (stop breathing) episodes. Hunter's breast milk was held due to abdominal distention and possilble infection but with no signs of infection the feedings will start again on Sunday. The Nurse Practitioner is very happy that Hunter has shown no physical signs of infection. The fact that Hunter fights the nurses every step of the way shows good energy.

Hunter is maturing every day. My normal day in the NICU starts with me walking up to Hunter's crib and talking to her. Today she opened her eyes and looked right at me. I thought I had imagined it but every time I talked, her eyes would open or she would wiggle. Holding Hunter today was also different. I've never seen her more comfortable. I truly believe we have a connection now. My voice comforts my baby. The power of a mother is awesome.

When the NICU calls

Charles and I were awakened by a phone call from the NICU nurse this morning. We were almost afraid to answer. Seeing the NICU on your caller ID can send chills down your spine. The nurse informed us that Hunter had a septic work up. Basically they are testing her blood and urine for an infection. Hunter’s last blood count found elevated white blood cells. This means there is an infection somewhere. Hunter’s tummy is distended but soft. This could be an intestinal infection. They have stopped giving her breast milk for a few days and have added a suction bottle to her feeding tube. So instead of food going in her tummy they are sucking every thing out. They are going to take x-rays of her tummy daily to rule out infection. She will get lipids and TPN (protein) in her IV. Hunter’s bowel and bladder show no signs of infection. I have faith in the Lord so let God’s will be done. I believe God did not create this miracle of Grace to take her home.

Family blessings

This is the hardest thing I have ever gone through. Being a Hospice nurse I know all about death and dying, infections and disease, pain and suffering but when it’s your own flesh and blood in the hospital life is at a stand still. Most days I can handle it. Seeing Hunter every day gives me energy and reaffirms my faith. After being in the NICU on Thursday I broke down with tears to Charles. The anxiety is overwhelming. The life of a preemie with the ups and downs in Hunter’s health would bring any one to tears. Thursday was a down day for Hunter. She had her monthly brain scan which normally shows nothing, came back with calcium on the vessels. This typically means that she had an infection that left a residue on the vessels. Hunter never had a brain infection. The NICU docs informed me that the top radiologist have reviewed Hunters brain scan and are not worried. The calcium has no effect on her brain activity and it will go away as she grows. Hunter has also developed hypertension (high blood pressure). She is now taking a drug called hydrolazine to lower her hypertension. The side effect of this drug is tachycardia (high pulse). Hunter is also given caffeine, which increases her pulse but it helps her breath. I’m sitting next to her crib hearing all of this information and her monitor alarms are going off every 2-3 minutes, I just popped. Charles calmed me down by reminding me about all the blessings our family has by having Hunter. She is doing well with tolerating all the breast milk, she is gaining weight and she has a bad temper just like her mother. Bursting into tears instantly relieved my stress. I’ll probably schedule a break down once a week, poor Charles.

Daddy day

Tuesday was daddy day. I graciously gave up my holding time with Gracey so Charles could have some skin to skin kangaroo time. He seemed nervous at first. When the nurse placed this 2lb baby on the chest of this 6’5 man, they seemed to melt together. Gracey snuggled right on her daddy’s chest and went to sleep. At first I was being the overbearing mother; checking Gracey’s temp, foot placement, arm position and if Charles and his large hands were smashing my baby. After taking just a few thousand pictures I sat down and just watched the two of them bond.
During my Tuesday morning phone call the nurse said that Hunter was having periods of apnea (stop breathing) and brady cardia (low pulse). The nurse informed me that if this continues Hunter would have to go back on the ventilator. She said that they would watch her for one more hour. I called my mother so she could call all the prayer warriors. Hunter needed a double duty prayer session. One hour later the medical team decided not to re ventilate her. They added an oxygen monitoring rate of 20. This gives Hunter a little push when she gets tired or forgets to breath. The power of prayer is priceless. On Wednesday the morning phone call was excellent. The nurse reported that all night and morning Hunter has had no breathing issues and just one brady cardia. By the time I arrived Hunter was doing so well her oxygen rate was lowered to 17. Holding my daughter every day is a joy. For the first time I was able to kiss her on the cheek. I couldn't control myself, one kiss turned into five. I wanted to eat her up.

One step closer

Hallelujah, praise the Lord. Gracey is off of the ventilator. On Sunday Hunter's blood tests were so good the nurses lowered the vent rate until it was time for the tube to come out. The nurse said Hunter let out a little cry when the tube was removed. The next step in the respiratory department is a CPAP. This is a tube with prongs that go in her nose. The tube is connected to a monitor that regulates the oxygen rate. To me it looks like those hats you see at football games that have a beer can on each side. I've never seen Hunters top lip due to the tape from the vent. Now she is able to suck on a pacifier with ease. Her voice is still horse but she has a little whisper of a cry. Hunter is a very strong little girl. Every day I hold her and talk to her about our future. She taps her fingers on my chest and nestles her head on my breast, when she does these things it lets me know she knows mommy.

God's will

Every day I see changes in Hunter. She's gaining weight weekly, new facial expressions and the ability to suck on a pacifier. Hunters lungs are still immature and unable to regulate the Co2 levels. The NICU team started Hunter on the steroid decadron on Thursday. Her Co2 levels dropped below 65, which is good but to lower her O2 she needs to be below 55. Today the MD came by as I was kangarooing, he increased her decadron and added 7 days to the order. The MD feels with Hunter being so young she needs a little more time. He wants to ween her off the vent aggressively. The MD also increased her feedings. Every 6 hours the nurses are going to add 1cc to Hunters breast milk until she reaches 17cc's. She's now at 10cc's and tolerating it perfectly. Her little belly is doing so well with mommy's milk. Our favorite nurse Shelby received a welcome back package this morning from Hunter 5 times in a row. I guess it's Hunters way of letting us know her bowels are working. She had been holding it for 2 days.

Now that Hunter is off the HiFi vent I have been holding her every day. I love feeling her little toes on my stomach and feeling her facial expressions on my chest. Soon her vent tube will be out of her mouth. She'll be able to feel her top lip and I'll be and to kiss her and pick her up without fear. The miracle of her life and her daily strength help me to see God's will. I know Hunter Grace's daily blessings are due to the power of prayer.

Hunter has been off and on the HiFi vent. On Monday I was able to hold her and talk to her about our future together. On Tuesday I got up with the anticipation of holding Hunter again. During my morning call to the nurse I was informed that Hunter was back on HiFi. When Hunter is on HiFi her little body vibrates due to the rapid breaths the vent gives her lungs to reduce Co2 levels. While she is on HiFi I can't hold her. Until Hunters lungs mature she will have these ups and downs. The NICU team is toying with the idea of giving Hunter steroids like decadron or hydrocortison to assist in developing her lungs. Steroids are scary due to the side effects but on the other hand it will increase Hunters ability to breath on room air. I would be able to pick her up and hold her without worrying about her ventilator. During the next few days please focus your prayers to develop Hunters lungs and to be free of infection. Your prayers have worked! Hunters infections in her lungs are almost gone. The sputum cultures are showing +1 which is the smallest level right before its gone completely. Another blessing is Hunter has never showed physical signs of have pneumonia or MRSA. She has been feisty from birth. Please keep praying for my Gracey girl pray warriors. Thank you.

Special moments

I held my baby girl today. After 5 days of Hunter being on the Hi’Fi vent her Co2 levels stayed in the range of 45 – 65. Every time the nurses tell me that I can kangaroo with Hunter I get a burst of energy. I practically rip open my blouse regardless of male docs or nurses. They place her on my skin with her head on my chest and her body on my tummy. I wrapped us both in oven warm blankets. Hunter wiggled her body just enough to get comfortable. Today she was raising her eye brows and flaring her nostrils. I could feel her facial movements on my breast. As I rocked her in the rocking chair I prayed. I Thanked God for these moments. As I looked around the NICU I prayed for God to bless the other babies and their parents. Hunter and I were so cozy and warm the hour and a half flew by. Her vital signs were excellent the whole time. I just want to give a special thank you to Cindy and Becka for knitting the hats for Hunter she looks beautiful in them.

BABY FAT

Hunter is doing very well. She is 26 weeks and 5 days. She weights 1lb and 10 oz’s. Hunter is tolerating all of her breast milk. She now gets 10 cc’s of fortified breast milk every 3 hours. Every day she changes. Hunter has baby fat on her neck and cheeks. I can’t wait until she gets all fat and juicy. Hunter is off of the HiFi vent and back on the conventional vent. Her Co2 levels are staying in the parameters of 45 – 65 and all vital signs are stable. Yesterday when I was watching her, she wiggled just enough to get her arms and legs free from the swaddle blanket. She started doing karate moves with all her limbs. This scared me but then I remembered how much she moved when she was in my tummy. She danced around for 2 – 3 minutes then settled with her left hand and fingers spread over her face. When I was pregnant I used to say if men could get pregnant they would have invented away to conceive then remove the amniotic sac with baby, put it in a jar and watch baby grow for 9 months. I didn’t realize the NICU is so sophisticated with technology and skill; it’s the next best thing. The nurses, np and docs are amazing.

Clearing The Air

We have had so much support and a lot of people reading the Blog and we thank you. We have been asked a few questions about the blog so I will clear them up. Tasha often referee's to Hunter as Gracey. Although we use the same entry name nurselovescoke ,we alternate writing the entries, so sometimes you will see Hunter referred to as Gracey. Nurselovescoke refers to Tasha being a nurse and I happen to work for Coca-Cola. Overall Hunter is doing well. She is having a couple of minor issues that hopefully can be corrected. The lobes in her lungs called alveolia are not inflating correctly due to her lungs being so immature. They are going to give her albuterol over the next twenty four hours to help open her lungs up so they can do a more efficient job at clearing out the Co2 in her lungs. The MRSA in her system has subsided but she does have traces of klebsiella in her lungs that is associated with pneumonia. Her body has been able to fight it off and it is not affecting her health. Her feedings have been brought down to 8 cc because they want to reduce the volume of liquids in her body that can intensify the pneumonia, and she had a couple of instances were she vomited some of her food. She looks like she has gained weight but they won't be able to weigh her until she is off the HiFi ventilator. She just needs to continue to grow and as she matures so will her lungs. She is under the best care and supervision and we are confident that the staff at the hospital will take every measure to ensure she is home on July 17. Tasha and I have seemed to settle into somewhat of a normal routine. We will live in San Diego Monday through Friday morning and Commute from Rancho Cucamonga Saturday and Sunday. We are waiting for the hospital to lift the visitation restrictions so the rest of our families can see Hunter. Due to the high volume of flu cases in the county the restriction will not be lifted until the hospital is certain that flu season is over. Hunter's brother is eager to see her, as well as her grandparents. We can not thank everyone enough for their support. Our employers, and my professors have been very considerate and it has helped make this whole process a little easier.

NICU ups and downs

During my mourning phone call to the NICU the nurse reported that Hunter's ET tube (the vent tubes in her mouth) was changed due to it showing false readings on the monitor and when they tried to adjust it Hunter moved and it came out. This was good and bad news for me. Hunter's infection is in her lungs due to the tubes. Yesterday I ask the infection control MD to replace the tube with a new one to increase Hunter's chances of fighting the infection. The MD stated that they try antibiotics 1st, then if that doesn't work then they swap out tubes. Putting in a ventilator tube is so hard especially for a micro preemie like Hunter. So when they removed the old tube it was filled with yellow gunk. Hopefully this will give Hunter a new start with clearing her lungs. The bad part is it tired her out and she was given ativan to calm her down. Hunter was removed off of the HiFi machine that helps keep her Co2 levels down and she received new IV lines in both arms. Last night was very busy for Hunter so the nurses felt it was best to let her rest today and not kangaroo. I watched her sleep most of the day. She didn't open her eyes today not even when I changed her diaper. The culture results that came back today shows two out of three of the infections gone. This is great news. Hunter will be tested daily and she will stay on contact isolation until she goes home. If it was up to me every one would be in a sterile moon suit before they touch her. On a more positive side she is still doing well with her feedings and bowel & bladder. I see many changes in her daily. Her little body is filling out. She is having voluntary movement of her hands and arms. She is looking more and more like her dad and I every day.

9,2,5

The last 48 hours have been filed with a lot of anxiety. Once we found out that Hunter had an infection it really put Tasha and I on edge. Although the practitioner told us that her body was fighting the organism we know how underdeveloped her immune system is. Every alarm or alert that went off in the NICU on Monday sent shock waves through our bodies. These past two weeks have been filled with many ups and a few downs. Everyday my world is centered around 9:00 am, 2:00 pm and 5:00pm. The first two times in the day is when Tasha calls and updates me on Hunter's progress while I'm at work. When my phone rings during these times, my heart races and I'm as equally nervous as I am excited to see her name on my caller ID. When I answer the phone I take a deep breathe and pray that tears do not greet me on the other end of the call. My anxiety level is filled with uncertainty and helplessness from the time I wake up until the time I receive these two calls during the day. The only certainty I have during this time is my trust in God and walking into the doors of the environment at work that I have known for over ten years. I know when I start my day there will be lots of familiar faces and plenty of laughs. Although brief it provides a much needed distraction from the burden of having a young child in a hospital 90 miles away. For a brief period I can take my mind off cc's and focus on cpc. Thoughts of air flow are suppressed by brand flow. Believe it or not work has been a temporary haven from what's happening in San Diego. My co-workers have been very supportive and I thank everyone for their concern and thoughtfulness. They are able to bridge the gap between the time I wake up and the time I see Hunter at around 5:00 pm. At 9:00 am we discovered that she threw up about 3 cc of her feedings earlier in the morning. Her CO2 was normal which was good news. At 2:00 pm one of my biggest fears came to light. I answered the phone and I heard tears on the other end. My heart stopped and I asked what was wrong. Fortunately Tasha said Hunter was OK, she was just overwhelmed by the last 48 hours. She said both of Hunters arterial lines had fallen out which was not a big deal but the thought of them having to prick her to reinsert the lines really hurt Tasha. The site of all the apparatus takes its tole after a while. She set up a conference with the doctor, nurse practitioner and social worker later on in the evening once I arrived. In the conference they really put our worries to rest. They said Hunter had accomplished all her milestones for her age and they said the probability for survival goes up to 75% at 26 weeks, which she will be tomorrow and 90% at 27 weeks. As far as the infection, they found about 3 different organisms that they are using antibiotics to combat. The infectious disease doctor visited Hunter and has her on contact isolation. She can not be handled without a mask, gown, and gloves. The doctor said the organism were commonly found on our bodies and not life threatening. They did not seem to be affecting her bowls, her breathing, and where isolated in the lungs and not the blood stream. She had no signs of pneumonia and they are highly confident that she will emerge unscaved. The conversation was very soothing and is exactly what we wanted and needed to hear. It cleared up a lot of fears and the uneasiness we were experiencing. We know that she is in the best hands and today's meeting solidified that fact. So Hunter is fine and she is sleeping well tonight. She changes everytime we see her. They were unable to weigh her because of the type of ventilator she is on but she definitely looks plumper. Tasha will still be able to Kangaroo once she is off this particular vent and we look forward to the coming days. As rough as the last few days have been one thing is for certain, in times of uncertainty you can always rely on the reliable, God, family, friends.

Not A Good Day

The last 24 hours typifies the ups and downs of a preemie. Last night was by far the most monumental moment since Hunters birth. The site of her and her mother together was truly Divine. We experienced a minor setback today. The doctors knew she was fighting an infection but up until today they did not know what it was. They discovered that she has a MRSA(MRSA Main Article) infection. The MRSA she has was carried by someone in their nose. She doesn't have any skin wounds its primarily affecting her lungs. Her body seems to be fighting it off. They administered antibiotics 3 days ago when they noticed her white blood cell count was high. Other than the gook in her lungs that they are able to suck out she is not showing any ill affects of the infection. The CO2 in her blood was at it's highest ever but than can probably be attributed to the infection causing her lungs to fill with fluid. She was put on the HiFi ventilator that will regulate her CO2 until she can become healthy. Her feedings are up to 10 cc which is good and she continues to have healthy bowl movements. Her immune system is very delicate and it is important that she continues to get the nutrients and enzymes from Tasha's milk to help strengthen her immune system. We continue to pray for her health and don't take any day for granite good or bad. As well as she has done all week and throughout the 2 weeks she still has a long way to go and we still rely on the prayers of everyone.

Amazing Grace

Each day Gracey continues to amaze us. As everyone should know by now Gracey is Tasha's pet name for Hunter. Tasha was able to hold Hunter in her arms for the first time. The technique is called Kangarooing and it was truly a historic day in the life of our little one. She still had all her tubes attached and her vital signs improved dramatically from what they had been earlier in the day. The skin to skin contact is just another vital step in the development of our daughter. The bond between mother and child is not only an emotional connection but the crucial exchange of DNA allows Tasha's body to produce a tailor made milk for Hunter. It also lets Hunter's body know that mother is still here and it serves as a comfort mechanism for the baby. She is gaining weight, she is about 1 pound 9 ounces, the highest since her birth. During the first week after her birth her weight dropped to about 1 pound 2 ounces but weight loss is normal for a newborn, preemie or full-term. An order was written to allow Tasha to Kangaroo twice a day. It was truly a touching moment to see their bodies reunited. Hunter looked so peaceful as she rested on Tasha's bosom. Her feeding continue to go well, she is up to 9 cc and her bowl movement was yellow, the color of her milk. This means that her digestive system is functioning very well. Her daily progress and her presence on this Earth are nothing short of amazing and we continue to be the product of the Lord's blessings. After dinner we went back to the hospital, and as we were entering I could here the helicopter firing up on the roof. I could not help but get emotional when I heard the distinct sound. That sound will always remind me of the miracle God delivered. As I stopped to listen to the chopper I said a prayer for the family that was about to receive their miracle. We are so fortunate to be living a miracle everyday, and we thank God for blessing us everyday.

Daily Blessings

Every day Gracey gets stronger and her will to live amazes me. Charles and I are truly blessed to be able to sit with her daily. Today her Co2 was stable and her ventilator rate stayed at 18. They will lower her rate slower if her Co2 stays between 45 and 65. Gracey is at 60. The nurses check her blood gases every 4 hours. Yesterday her blood cell count showed that her white blood cell count was elevated. This indicates that she has an infection some where. Today her culture showed that the infection was not from her IVs or her ventilator. Gracey's lab tests today shows that the infection is going away. She appears very comfortable with no visual signs of being sick. Like all babies she hates having her diaper changed. She cries and opens her eyes. I love it when her eyes are open but she needs to sleep. Gracey's feeding is increasing every 12 hours by 0.5 cc's. The max is 10 cc's. Then they will start adding nutrients to my breast milk to fatten her up.

NICU Family

Hunter continues to progress. Her CO2 levels were normal today and she was taken off the rapid breath setting. They had to redo her picc line and they repositioned her mouth piece on her vent. Tasha was there during both procedures and Hunter was calm during both procedures. Her white cell blood count was high, which means her body may be fighting off a minor infection. They gave her antibiotics and said she would be fine. The Nurse Practitioner said if her CO2 levels stay "normal" than it wouldn't be far fetch to have her off the vent by next week along with the removal of her arterial line and picc line. Its a major step because it is the catalyst for Tasha being able to Kangaroo. Her feedings are up to 7.5 cc's. As painful as all these aparatus' seem the staff assures us that is not painful to her. We are starting to see familiar faces in the NICU and the staff and families of the other children are becoming an extension of our family. We see a lot of sick children in the NICU and the pain and uncertainty in their parents eyes. We all pray for each other's children and there are unspoken words of empathy. The look on every parent's face is one of hope and sadness. If each one of us could trade places with any of the kids in the NICU and take the burden upon ourselves we would do it in a heartbeat. We have been blessed to have such a strong willed child and we pray for the healing and development of every child in the NICU.

Today was a giant step in my bonding with Gracey. Our favorite nurse (Shellby) was with Gracey. Shellby taught me how to do Gracey's daily care. I changed Gracey's diaper, cleaned her mouth and eyes. Gracey was lying on her tummy. Shellby explained that I have to lift Gracey by her hips, slide the new diaper under her and slide the old diaper out. I was so nervous. As I was trying to lift her Gracey lifted her little booty up for me. It was the most precious thing that I have ever seen. Gracey opened her mouth for me as I wiped with a 2x2 dipped in warm normal saline water. Today was the best day for me as a new mom. As for Gracey's day there were a few changes. The last line (uv line) was removed from her umbilical cord. A picc line (Peripherally inserted central catheter) was placed in her right arm to give her nutrients as long as she needs it. An IV was placed in her left foot to give her blood if she needs it and she still has the Arterial line in her left arm to draw blood samples for testing. Gracey's blood test shows that she has to much carbon dioxide and she's not breathing fast enough to push it out on her own. Shellby changed Gracey's ventilator machine to a higher setting to push out the Co2 for Gracey. The new setting was so fast we could feel it vibrating on Gracey's back. She had hiccups and she was squirming like she didn't like it. Gracey's breast milk feedings increase every 9 hours and now she is at 4.5 cc's. Tomorrow I might be able to hold her (Kangaroos and Premies) as long as she doesn't have a very active day like today. I sit with her every day and every wiggle amazes me. She truly is a miracle from God.